in her gentle serene breaths
she sleeps like the calm seas
her breasts rise and fall
like ocean waves at low tide

so many faces walk by me. faces who had eyes and lips but no ears. i could not understand the ease in which they speak of banality as tho they were magical things. they speak loud and i know they are trying to tell me things to change the shape of my thoughts. although they have eyes, they stare blankly. like another insignificant appendage. i am almost convinced they must believe that i am no different than any of them, but in as much as i would like to believe likewise, to blend and disappear into that sea of familiarity, i walk past them and the noise of their bittersweet chattering that followed me. behind closed eyes i perceive my strageness coming to the fore and shame creeps into me, slowly like the shadow born with nightfall. i was never aware of the circumstance that placed me here and i do not know where to flee. i did not know that this force within me, with which i have pulled myself from the ordinariness of an inambitious existence, would reshape me into my own foe. a piece of abstract sculpture, shaped by uninspired hands, is better off in the dark. power and magic are futile things if you are among eyes which are never made to behold anything. the voices go on, and their tongues pierce me like a heavy sword thrust into my heart. it is an unbearable weight, and the pain stings like acid on an open wound. what would i give to be pulled out from the torments of my being, or the pestering of such visious tongues and oblivious eyes? now i know why they have no ears, but i do not understand why i still have mine.

and from what land have you flown in
to be in my line of sight?
what good deed have i done
that i should be blest
by your presence each day?
those bright hazel eyes
clear as this beautiful day
smile ever so delightedly
as are your lips
that seems to be holding back
some ravishing secret.
what sweet words
have been whisphered to you today
that they could not be vanquished
from your face
nor from the apparent pride
of your stance and your stride?
would it be too much to ask
for you to look my way
without the necessity of meeting my gaze
just to send my heart fluttering away?
turn your head
dear bronze skinned and clean shaven
this way beyond the tables and this crowd.
hey you
mister bright eyes
mister well chiseled nose
mister ethereal smile
in your crisp white shirt
and your silk corporate tie.
hey you
yes you
I LOVE YOU

journal entry 17 april 2002